May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
