just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
