we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
