pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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