i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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