he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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