my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize