Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
