I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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