He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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