even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
