meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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