He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
