The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
