i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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