But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
