and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize