are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
