Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
