Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize