Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
