my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
