I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
