C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
