Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
