i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
