Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
