Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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