So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
