Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
