Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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