You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize