Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
