So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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