No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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