The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
People in love make me want to vomit
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
