he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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