Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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