i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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