I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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