I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
