Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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