We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize