a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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