How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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