omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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