he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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