apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
