we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
