She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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