Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
