I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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