There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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