i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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