I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize