Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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