Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
