I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
