Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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