Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
