There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
