he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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