My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
