So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
