the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
