I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
