I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
