Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
