so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no, he came in my armpit
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
