so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
