i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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