Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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