How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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