Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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