loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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