woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize