Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
