I looked at my own cervix.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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