dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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