i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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