u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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