Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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