Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
