Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
