the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
