oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
