we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize