I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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