Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
