im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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