suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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