don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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